I really wish I had amazing technicolor hair

Dear Shakespeare,

Urghhh I don't know how to start this letter to you, beginnings are always the hardest thing. Sometimes I  try to personify school, when I write angsty poems on the train at the end of term, but if I actually think really hard about the sort of person school would be I'm not all that sure. Maybe a family friend, the nice yet notoriously gossipy type you see all the time and don't have much in common with but still don't mind. I don't know, I mean sometimes I genuinely enjoy school and learning but it can also feel overwhelming and anxiety inducing. All the superficial socialising and the false fronts really wear me down and disgust me after  a while but I guess I'm part of it too, and perhaps that makes it worse. But I don't hate school, despite my melodramatic declarations otherwise, it just seems like a soupy experience, all the good and bad things mushed together like undercooked carrots and noodles. Anyways what am I even saying? And why am I comparing my school experiences to raw carrots? Hmm at any rate what I really wanted to talk to you about was HAIR.  I spent most of my classes today having in depth discussions with friends over dying hair, toner, hair inspiration, bleach etc. All I really want is to have fantastic aqua/teal/purple/pine green/any awesome colour hair so in honour of my desperation I have attached several photos of hair I deeply admire.

 Oh also just sayin all images are sourced from tumblr. I couldn't track the original sources of the images because I saved them onto my laptop ages ago into a folder titled "Hairrrrrrr"  but if anyone sees a photo of theirs which I have used and would like me to acknowledge them/take it down just let moi know.

 

  

    

                                  

yeye for Enid Coleslaw 

 Truly Mary, 

Ps. I'm going to see art by Kate Price this weekend! Yayyyy

Pps. I really need to go op/thrift shopping. It has reached  a level of  physical longing-y type pain, I haven't been in weeks and I really just need to go and buy some lacy granny shirts and plaid miniskirts and urghhh I just wanna get pretty and cheap clothes 

my hair Idol, Grimes, is the fabbest singer...

     

Urghhhh

Dear Shakespeare,
A few days ago I was called a “sarcastic bitch” for voicing my views on feminism. On a pro feminist rant. The guy who called me this ironically wrote the rant, and continued on with a tirade of insults where he told me to “go the fuck away”. You know what the sickest part is? Instead of snapping my fingers in a ‘z’ formation and giving him some Beyoncé style sass as to why it is NOT ok to refer to me as a bitch I started to get anxious. When I get anxious my stomach starts to hurt, I cry and cliché as it sounds I feel as fragile as thin poorly made glass. Do you know why I felt anxious? Because I worried that maybe he was right, maybe I was too sarcastic or maybe I had said everything wrong in an inarticulate mess and it actually could have been seen as offensive. You might feel disgusted at me now. How pathetic/submissive/urghh is she? In retrospect I realise how a sad and dangerous those thoughts were. Mostly because they represent a larger problem I see in myself…  

[Cue angsty, feelings-y paragraph where I talk about emotions, eww]

The problem I am referring to is that my emotions seem to be greatly affected by the reactions and comments of those around me.  How problematic is this?  It means that how I feel is left to the mercy of those judging me. And people can be mean. Where is my ownership over myself? My opinions on me should matter the most because I am the one who lives with myself every day, who drags my tired body out of bed when it’s still dark outside to get ready for another day at school. Other people will forget me over time but I can’t forget myself. I don’t know why I care so much about what people say or think about me, it’s terrible and leaves my self-confidence scarily low. Is everyone like this?   Sometimes people tell me to “stop caring” as if it’s the easiest thing in the world and the only reason why I haven’t done so is due to reluctance. When someone says that it fucking annoys me.  If adopting a “don’t give a damn” attitude was as easy as dressing like Bender in the Breakfast Club I would have already done so, down to his little gold hoop earring.  

[end feelings-y paragraph]

I have more to say but I’ve confused myself, I just needed a mini rant on this topic, maybe soon I’ll write a proper and structured letter to you detailing my worries on the external dependency of my emotions. Until then, URGHHH

Truly Mary, 

  Ps. I am in HAIR HELL at the moment, a hairdresser cut me a front fringe without me asking and then charged me extra! My hair is super curly so it never stays proper and it makes me cry because I love fringes but it looks absolutely terrible on me :(

Pps. I was going to make the song for this letter No intention by Dirty Projectors but I think we need some Beyonce girl love

I can't think of a title so let's pretend I just wrote something witty

Dear Shakespeare,

I'm on the hunt for the perfect tutu, it ought to make me feel like a fairy princess and extend to my ankles in a series of  multi-coloured pastel tulle  layers. Sadly I have no clue where to buy one, currently it only exists in my dreams where I am dressed like the human embodiment of a sprinkly pink donut, I've tried scouring the children's section of opshops, etsy, ebay urghhh all to no avail! Do you know where I could get one Shakespeare?

I start school tomorrow and I don't want to go back, last term was exhausting and stressful and I know every school term could be described by any of those words but the last one was just urghhh! I felt tired every day, could barely handle all the socialising and work and I just felt so overwhelmed and sad and terribly angsty. It felt like something out of a cliché American girly teen movie and I hated that because I guess I thought it made me superficial and shallow and a stereotype.

The holidays were both long and short, I guess they feel short now that they're almost over. I had this massive list of things I wanted to do over the break and I tried but I feel that most of my time was spent in daggy yet comfortable pyjamas on the internet watching The Royal Tenenbaums  or blasting Come on Eileen whilst jumping around in a series of mad movements I call dancing.  I suppose my list was idealistic but I'll leave it up to you to decide… anyhow here it is:

·         Work on zine with the lovely Tessa

·         Pretend to be a princess living in a candy pastel world

·         Go opshopping

·         Buy kitschy room deco

·         Make a theme journal and a journal of interesting information

·         Make a marshmallow and ice cream soup

·         Take a dressmaking class

·         Shoot some photo-sets

·         Read lotssss

·         Spend time people/life watching

·         Write poetry

·         Read philosophy concerned with existentialism

·         Go see art by Kate Price

I planned it all out and it gave me the illusion of structure but it didn't really work out all that neatly; I shot a mini photo set with a friend which I'm waiting to get developed, went op-shopping  and realised I have terrible grandma-y taste in clothes but absolutely love it and I did some of the other things in small ways. However I didn't finish my small heap of holiday homework meaning I am doomed (said in a ghost voice and pronounced doooooooomed), instead I lazed around and I tried using photoshop for the first time to create a collage

 

This is how it turned out, what do you think? It's Tim Burton imagining different landscapes and just to clarify they are totally moths and not butterflies coming out of his head. I have lots more to talk about with you photo set ideas, zine ideas, style influences, interesting word lists urghh but I have an 1,000 word essay due tomorrow which I haven't finished and I'm over writing because all my paragraphs are 350 words when they should be 250 but it's all just utter bullshit 

Truly Mary, 

P.s the song for this letter is my holiday song and a song I sincerely believe they should have played at my school formal to make everything perfect and amazing. I love it soo much!