I'm turning a great big glittering 16 in two weeks; the orange pop fizzing longing I once felt for my birthday when I was younger seems to have disappeared. It's like Christmas once I learned that Santa didn't really live in the north pole with a magical factory and was actually my parents tiptoeing 'round the house once I had gone to sleep. Though the logical part of me understands this I desperately cling to the idea of never growing old, I still try to fool myself into believing in Santa and his reindeer, juvenile as it sounds. The idea of growing up frightens me because I feel like once I get older I will lose the ability to dream and imagine and desperately want rainbow hair. I'll become dull and dry as a piece of plain wholemeal toast. I worry that as I get older the strength of my feelings will wane, that once I become a proper adult everything will be a muted palette of pastel emotions. For some reason I've always thought this way, as a child I dreaded the thought of becoming a teenager, of getting closer to adulthood. When I watched the film Peter Pan for the first time when I was five I sobbed inconsolably at the end. Because Peter had never chosen to save me and take to Neverland and become his best friend and partner in mischief. Instead he'd taken an unthankful Wendy and she left him, she left it all to grow up into a "lady" until she could no longer remember Neverland. It makes me really sad, even now, to think that as she got older she forgot. I'm being forced to grow up, in both a physical and emotional sense, I'm no longer a child yet neither an adult. Everyone around me is getting older, playing dressups as they navigate through adult thoughts and troubles, and I can either stay behind all on my own or go along and see what happens.
I saw this shirt online a while back, I think it really addresses my current emotional state. It was designed by Jeremy Scott. If you find yourself bored and floating through the multiple dimensions of the internet which surely exist, check his stuff out
In entirely unrelated matters I'd like to show you some of my recent attempts at watercolors and other things...
Sorry for the terrible Iphone quality of the pictures, they are inspired by different things which I may expand on at a later date when I'm not wheezing over my keyboard due to an awful cold. Alas,what do You think Shakespeare? Utterly terrible, probably. How are you? I tend to babble about myself in a narcissistic fashion quite a lot. I haven't forgotten about you though
P.s I was thinking of doing a photoset with a friend that describes my feelings about turning 16. I'll show you soon and explain it all. Or maybe I'l send you a list of different photo-set ideas I've had
P.p.s Discovery is the lovechild of Vampire Weekend and Ra Ra Riot and I love it a lot! This is one of their songs